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Because I Hate Myself

by Ellen Beizer

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about

Inspired by the work of Rachel Bloom and the songwriting team of Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, "Because I Hate Myself" tells the story of two women who struggle to overcome their mental health issues in order to survive their Friday night.

Check out the music video here: www.youtube.com/watch?v=vHZ36sTYv0o

lyrics

Lyrics:
Been coming to this bar for seven years
It's actually covered in my blood and tears
My photo's on the wall for drinking hundreds of beers
I'm becoming all of my darkest fears

I hide all day, just wanna be alone
Driving people away, doing fine on my own
My home is my castle, my couch is my throne
I should down a Drano double or just get stoned

I'll punish, pressure, and pain myself
I will ignore my mental health
'Til my dying day

Because I hate myself
Oh yes, I hate myself
So why would I do anything else
When I still hate myself
I know this path is nothing good
But I don't do the things I should
Just know I would if I only could
But I fucking hate myself

At the end of the day, I feel lost, I feel numb
And nothing I do seems to be any fun
So I finally cave, try to call anyone
But nobody answers so I eat a ton

At the end of the day, my life's a total waste
And I stumble along my path of quiet disgrace
Want the booze and the body, I can't stop the chase
I'll die drunk and alone but with a tiny waist

I'll punish, pressure, and pain myself
I will ignore my mental health
'Til my dying day

Because I hate myself
Oh yes, I hate myself
So why would I do anything else
When I still hate myself
I know this path is nothing good
But I don't do the things I should
Just know I would if I only could
But I fucking hate myself

And there are things we could do
And steps we could take
To keep us from making the same old mistakes
But somewhere deep down we're afraid it's too late
So we wait
And we wait
And we wait
And we wait
And we wait

And nothing ever seems to change

Because I hate myself
Oh yes, I hate myself
So why would I do anything else
When I still hate myself
I know this path is nothing good
But I don't do the things I should
Just know I would if I only could
But I fucking hate myself

credits

released December 11, 2020
Music by Ellen Beizer
Lyrics by Lara Fox and Ellen Beizer
Performed by Charlotte Anderson and Ellen Beizer
Produced by Emerson Harris, Ellen Beizer, and Hans Kelsen
Track Artwork by Sami Hagerman

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about

Ellen Beizer image

Ellen Beizer Los Angeles, California

Just a girl who spends way too much time on her piano instead of out in the world with the humans.

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